Which of the two sentences below is more gramatically correct? [on hold]












1














I'm having difficulty choosing between the two sentences below. Which is more grammatically correct? Can anyone suggest a more succinct way of articulating what I am trying to say?




  1. While donning his personal protective equipment a loose strap flew up and hit him in the head.


  2. While donning his personal protective equipment a strap connected to his respirator flew up and hit him in the head.



Thanks!



Alex






grammar word-choice word-order







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put on hold as off-topic by FumbleFingers, Andrew Leach♦ 13 hours ago


This question appears to be off-topic. The users who voted to close gave this specific reason:


  • "Proofreading questions are off-topic unless a specific source of concern in the text is clearly identified." – FumbleFingers, Andrew Leach

If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.


















    1














    I'm having difficulty choosing between the two sentences below. Which is more grammatically correct? Can anyone suggest a more succinct way of articulating what I am trying to say?




    1. While donning his personal protective equipment a loose strap flew up and hit him in the head.


    2. While donning his personal protective equipment a strap connected to his respirator flew up and hit him in the head.



    Thanks!



    Alex






    grammar word-choice word-order







    share|improve this question









    New contributor




    Alex K is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
    Check out our Code of Conduct.











    put on hold as off-topic by FumbleFingers, Andrew Leach♦ 13 hours ago


    This question appears to be off-topic. The users who voted to close gave this specific reason:


    • "Proofreading questions are off-topic unless a specific source of concern in the text is clearly identified." – FumbleFingers, Andrew Leach

    If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.
















      1












      1








      1







      I'm having difficulty choosing between the two sentences below. Which is more grammatically correct? Can anyone suggest a more succinct way of articulating what I am trying to say?




      1. While donning his personal protective equipment a loose strap flew up and hit him in the head.


      2. While donning his personal protective equipment a strap connected to his respirator flew up and hit him in the head.



      Thanks!



      Alex






      grammar word-choice word-order







      share|improve this question









      New contributor




      Alex K is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
      Check out our Code of Conduct.











      I'm having difficulty choosing between the two sentences below. Which is more grammatically correct? Can anyone suggest a more succinct way of articulating what I am trying to say?




      1. While donning his personal protective equipment a loose strap flew up and hit him in the head.


      2. While donning his personal protective equipment a strap connected to his respirator flew up and hit him in the head.



      Thanks!



      Alex






      grammar word-choice word-order




      grammar word-choice word-order






      share|improve this question









      New contributor




      Alex K is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
      Check out our Code of Conduct.











      share|improve this question









      New contributor




      Alex K is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
      Check out our Code of Conduct.









      share|improve this question




      share|improve this question








      edited 11 hours ago









      rhetorician

      16.2k12052




      16.2k12052






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      asked 15 hours ago









      Alex K

      121




      121




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      New contributor





      Alex K is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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      Alex K is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
      Check out our Code of Conduct.




      put on hold as off-topic by FumbleFingers, Andrew Leach♦ 13 hours ago


      This question appears to be off-topic. The users who voted to close gave this specific reason:


      • "Proofreading questions are off-topic unless a specific source of concern in the text is clearly identified." – FumbleFingers, Andrew Leach

      If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.




      put on hold as off-topic by FumbleFingers, Andrew Leach♦ 13 hours ago


      This question appears to be off-topic. The users who voted to close gave this specific reason:


      • "Proofreading questions are off-topic unless a specific source of concern in the text is clearly identified." – FumbleFingers, Andrew Leach

      If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.






















          1 Answer
          1






          active

          oldest

          votes


















          1














          It's donning, not dawning. They're both grammatical, but the second one is too long and needs to be split up (style).






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          • 1




            Thanks. Any suggestions? Do you suggest instead using two sentences to try and articulate my point?
            – Alex K
            15 hours ago






          • 1




            If you're writing an accident report, it's reasonable. If you're writing a story, it's much too dull.
            – Hellion
            5 hours ago










          • @AlexK Sure, e.g.: He began to put on his ... equipment. Before he could finish, his respirator strap flew up ...
            – Johnny
            4 hours ago


















          1 Answer
          1






          active

          oldest

          votes








          1 Answer
          1






          active

          oldest

          votes









          active

          oldest

          votes






          active

          oldest

          votes









          1














          It's donning, not dawning. They're both grammatical, but the second one is too long and needs to be split up (style).






          share|improve this answer








          New contributor




          Johnny is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
          Check out our Code of Conduct.














          • 1




            Thanks. Any suggestions? Do you suggest instead using two sentences to try and articulate my point?
            – Alex K
            15 hours ago






          • 1




            If you're writing an accident report, it's reasonable. If you're writing a story, it's much too dull.
            – Hellion
            5 hours ago










          • @AlexK Sure, e.g.: He began to put on his ... equipment. Before he could finish, his respirator strap flew up ...
            – Johnny
            4 hours ago
















          1














          It's donning, not dawning. They're both grammatical, but the second one is too long and needs to be split up (style).






          share|improve this answer








          New contributor




          Johnny is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
          Check out our Code of Conduct.














          • 1




            Thanks. Any suggestions? Do you suggest instead using two sentences to try and articulate my point?
            – Alex K
            15 hours ago






          • 1




            If you're writing an accident report, it's reasonable. If you're writing a story, it's much too dull.
            – Hellion
            5 hours ago










          • @AlexK Sure, e.g.: He began to put on his ... equipment. Before he could finish, his respirator strap flew up ...
            – Johnny
            4 hours ago














          1












          1








          1






          It's donning, not dawning. They're both grammatical, but the second one is too long and needs to be split up (style).






          share|improve this answer








          New contributor




          Johnny is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
          Check out our Code of Conduct.









          It's donning, not dawning. They're both grammatical, but the second one is too long and needs to be split up (style).







          share|improve this answer








          New contributor




          Johnny is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
          Check out our Code of Conduct.









          share|improve this answer



          share|improve this answer






          New contributor




          Johnny is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
          Check out our Code of Conduct.









          answered 15 hours ago









          Johnny

          995




          995




          New contributor




          Johnny is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
          Check out our Code of Conduct.





          New contributor





          Johnny is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
          Check out our Code of Conduct.






          Johnny is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
          Check out our Code of Conduct.








          • 1




            Thanks. Any suggestions? Do you suggest instead using two sentences to try and articulate my point?
            – Alex K
            15 hours ago






          • 1




            If you're writing an accident report, it's reasonable. If you're writing a story, it's much too dull.
            – Hellion
            5 hours ago










          • @AlexK Sure, e.g.: He began to put on his ... equipment. Before he could finish, his respirator strap flew up ...
            – Johnny
            4 hours ago














          • 1




            Thanks. Any suggestions? Do you suggest instead using two sentences to try and articulate my point?
            – Alex K
            15 hours ago






          • 1




            If you're writing an accident report, it's reasonable. If you're writing a story, it's much too dull.
            – Hellion
            5 hours ago










          • @AlexK Sure, e.g.: He began to put on his ... equipment. Before he could finish, his respirator strap flew up ...
            – Johnny
            4 hours ago








          1




          1




          Thanks. Any suggestions? Do you suggest instead using two sentences to try and articulate my point?
          – Alex K
          15 hours ago




          Thanks. Any suggestions? Do you suggest instead using two sentences to try and articulate my point?
          – Alex K
          15 hours ago




          1




          1




          If you're writing an accident report, it's reasonable. If you're writing a story, it's much too dull.
          – Hellion
          5 hours ago




          If you're writing an accident report, it's reasonable. If you're writing a story, it's much too dull.
          – Hellion
          5 hours ago












          @AlexK Sure, e.g.: He began to put on his ... equipment. Before he could finish, his respirator strap flew up ...
          – Johnny
          4 hours ago




          @AlexK Sure, e.g.: He began to put on his ... equipment. Before he could finish, his respirator strap flew up ...
          – Johnny
          4 hours ago



          -

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