Unsure if my inverse order compound sentence makes is correct
I am working on a college essay and I have one sentence that may have a grammar issue.
I was successful in my goals for the program, but even more so was the program successful in its goals for me.
I could obviously change it to something like:
I was successful in my goals for the program, but the program was even more successful in its goals for me.
However, the first sentence sounds more symmetrical to me and I like the sound of it much better. Is it grammatically correct? If not, is there a way to maintain the feeling of symmetry while fixing the grammar.
inversion compound-sentences
asked 11 hours ago
Riley Fitzpatrick
61
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Riley Fitzpatrick is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
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I am working on a college essay and I have one sentence that may have a grammar issue.
I was successful in my goals for the program, but even more so was the program successful in its goals for me.
I could obviously change it to something like:
I was successful in my goals for the program, but the program was even more successful in its goals for me.
However, the first sentence sounds more symmetrical to me and I like the sound of it much better. Is it grammatically correct? If not, is there a way to maintain the feeling of symmetry while fixing the grammar.
inversion compound-sentences
asked 11 hours ago
Riley Fitzpatrick
61
New contributor
Riley Fitzpatrick is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
I'm curious why you think the first version is "more symmetrical." The second seems just as symmetrical to me, and I believe it flows better. I can think of several different ways of wording things—but anything suggested would depend on what you do and don't like. So, you'll have to explain things a bit more.
– Jason Bassford
11 hours ago
@JasonBassford I think the first one feels like it is saying the programs success in its goals for me was more significant, whereas the second one feels like it is saying the level of success was higher. My focus is not the level of success when comparing the two, but the significance of the success. Because you are making suggestions, should I assume that the first sentence is not grammatically correct? Thanks!
– Riley Fitzpatrick
10 hours ago
No, I actually think the first sentence is technically grammatical. However, I think its meaning isn't entirely clear. What do you think of I was successful in my goals for the program, but more important was the program's success in its goals for me?
– Jason Bassford
10 hours ago
Ooh. That might be the one. It definitely clears up the meaning while maintaining what I liked about the first one. Thanks!
– Riley Fitzpatrick
10 hours ago
I'm not sure if that's a final suggestion—I was just trying to figure out what you were trying to get at. Are you tied to a comma rather than a semicolon or two separate sentences?
– Jason Bassford
10 hours ago
add a comment |
I am working on a college essay and I have one sentence that may have a grammar issue.
I was successful in my goals for the program, but even more so was the program successful in its goals for me.
I could obviously change it to something like:
I was successful in my goals for the program, but the program was even more successful in its goals for me.
However, the first sentence sounds more symmetrical to me and I like the sound of it much better. Is it grammatically correct? If not, is there a way to maintain the feeling of symmetry while fixing the grammar.
inversion compound-sentences
asked 11 hours ago
Riley Fitzpatrick
61
New contributor
Riley Fitzpatrick is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
I am working on a college essay and I have one sentence that may have a grammar issue.
I was successful in my goals for the program, but even more so was the program successful in its goals for me.
I could obviously change it to something like:
I was successful in my goals for the program, but the program was even more successful in its goals for me.
However, the first sentence sounds more symmetrical to me and I like the sound of it much better. Is it grammatically correct? If not, is there a way to maintain the feeling of symmetry while fixing the grammar.
inversion compound-sentences
inversion compound-sentences
asked 11 hours ago
Riley Fitzpatrick
61
New contributor
Riley Fitzpatrick is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
asked 11 hours ago
Riley Fitzpatrick
61
New contributor
Riley Fitzpatrick is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
asked 11 hours ago
Riley Fitzpatrick
61
New contributor
Riley Fitzpatrick is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
asked 11 hours ago
Riley Fitzpatrick
61
asked 11 hours ago
Riley Fitzpatrick
61
61
New contributor
Riley Fitzpatrick is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
New contributor
Riley Fitzpatrick is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
Riley Fitzpatrick is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
I'm curious why you think the first version is "more symmetrical." The second seems just as symmetrical to me, and I believe it flows better. I can think of several different ways of wording things—but anything suggested would depend on what you do and don't like. So, you'll have to explain things a bit more.
– Jason Bassford
11 hours ago
@JasonBassford I think the first one feels like it is saying the programs success in its goals for me was more significant, whereas the second one feels like it is saying the level of success was higher. My focus is not the level of success when comparing the two, but the significance of the success. Because you are making suggestions, should I assume that the first sentence is not grammatically correct? Thanks!
– Riley Fitzpatrick
10 hours ago
No, I actually think the first sentence is technically grammatical. However, I think its meaning isn't entirely clear. What do you think of I was successful in my goals for the program, but more important was the program's success in its goals for me?
– Jason Bassford
10 hours ago
Ooh. That might be the one. It definitely clears up the meaning while maintaining what I liked about the first one. Thanks!
– Riley Fitzpatrick
10 hours ago
I'm not sure if that's a final suggestion—I was just trying to figure out what you were trying to get at. Are you tied to a comma rather than a semicolon or two separate sentences?
– Jason Bassford
10 hours ago
add a comment |
I'm curious why you think the first version is "more symmetrical." The second seems just as symmetrical to me, and I believe it flows better. I can think of several different ways of wording things—but anything suggested would depend on what you do and don't like. So, you'll have to explain things a bit more.
– Jason Bassford
11 hours ago
@JasonBassford I think the first one feels like it is saying the programs success in its goals for me was more significant, whereas the second one feels like it is saying the level of success was higher. My focus is not the level of success when comparing the two, but the significance of the success. Because you are making suggestions, should I assume that the first sentence is not grammatically correct? Thanks!
– Riley Fitzpatrick
10 hours ago
No, I actually think the first sentence is technically grammatical. However, I think its meaning isn't entirely clear. What do you think of I was successful in my goals for the program, but more important was the program's success in its goals for me?
– Jason Bassford
10 hours ago
Ooh. That might be the one. It definitely clears up the meaning while maintaining what I liked about the first one. Thanks!
– Riley Fitzpatrick
10 hours ago
I'm not sure if that's a final suggestion—I was just trying to figure out what you were trying to get at. Are you tied to a comma rather than a semicolon or two separate sentences?
– Jason Bassford
10 hours ago
I'm curious why you think the first version is "more symmetrical." The second seems just as symmetrical to me, and I believe it flows better. I can think of several different ways of wording things—but anything suggested would depend on what you do and don't like. So, you'll have to explain things a bit more.
– Jason Bassford
11 hours ago
I'm curious why you think the first version is "more symmetrical." The second seems just as symmetrical to me, and I believe it flows better. I can think of several different ways of wording things—but anything suggested would depend on what you do and don't like. So, you'll have to explain things a bit more.
– Jason Bassford
11 hours ago
@JasonBassford I think the first one feels like it is saying the programs success in its goals for me was more significant, whereas the second one feels like it is saying the level of success was higher. My focus is not the level of success when comparing the two, but the significance of the success. Because you are making suggestions, should I assume that the first sentence is not grammatically correct? Thanks!
– Riley Fitzpatrick
10 hours ago
@JasonBassford I think the first one feels like it is saying the programs success in its goals for me was more significant, whereas the second one feels like it is saying the level of success was higher. My focus is not the level of success when comparing the two, but the significance of the success. Because you are making suggestions, should I assume that the first sentence is not grammatically correct? Thanks!
– Riley Fitzpatrick
10 hours ago
No, I actually think the first sentence is technically grammatical. However, I think its meaning isn't entirely clear. What do you think of I was successful in my goals for the program, but more important was the program's success in its goals for me?
– Jason Bassford
10 hours ago
No, I actually think the first sentence is technically grammatical. However, I think its meaning isn't entirely clear. What do you think of I was successful in my goals for the program, but more important was the program's success in its goals for me?
– Jason Bassford
10 hours ago
Ooh. That might be the one. It definitely clears up the meaning while maintaining what I liked about the first one. Thanks!
– Riley Fitzpatrick
10 hours ago
Ooh. That might be the one. It definitely clears up the meaning while maintaining what I liked about the first one. Thanks!
– Riley Fitzpatrick
10 hours ago
I'm not sure if that's a final suggestion—I was just trying to figure out what you were trying to get at. Are you tied to a comma rather than a semicolon or two separate sentences?
– Jason Bassford
10 hours ago
I'm not sure if that's a final suggestion—I was just trying to figure out what you were trying to get at. Are you tied to a comma rather than a semicolon or two separate sentences?
– Jason Bassford
10 hours ago
add a comment |
1 Answer
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First this is that both of sentences are grammatically correct. The different is in there style. When you say that one sounds more symmetric that the other I kind of don't understand this as you crisscrossed the structure(do not ask me whether that is a chiasm or antimetabole because i forgot the difference) in the exact same way in both.
- constant beginning clause
I, success, goals, program
is the order you started with
- the second clause you are confused about
program, success, goals, I(in its object form)
you switch the structure in the exact same way. all you did was add more words to the first one. I wound go with the second one as it removes unnecessary wording.
answered 10 hours ago
robert gibson
543
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robert gibson is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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First this is that both of sentences are grammatically correct. The different is in there style. When you say that one sounds more symmetric that the other I kind of don't understand this as you crisscrossed the structure(do not ask me whether that is a chiasm or antimetabole because i forgot the difference) in the exact same way in both.
- constant beginning clause
I, success, goals, program
is the order you started with
- the second clause you are confused about
program, success, goals, I(in its object form)
you switch the structure in the exact same way. all you did was add more words to the first one. I wound go with the second one as it removes unnecessary wording.
answered 10 hours ago
robert gibson
543
New contributor
robert gibson is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
add a comment |
First this is that both of sentences are grammatically correct. The different is in there style. When you say that one sounds more symmetric that the other I kind of don't understand this as you crisscrossed the structure(do not ask me whether that is a chiasm or antimetabole because i forgot the difference) in the exact same way in both.
- constant beginning clause
I, success, goals, program
is the order you started with
- the second clause you are confused about
program, success, goals, I(in its object form)
you switch the structure in the exact same way. all you did was add more words to the first one. I wound go with the second one as it removes unnecessary wording.
answered 10 hours ago
robert gibson
543
New contributor
robert gibson is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
add a comment |
First this is that both of sentences are grammatically correct. The different is in there style. When you say that one sounds more symmetric that the other I kind of don't understand this as you crisscrossed the structure(do not ask me whether that is a chiasm or antimetabole because i forgot the difference) in the exact same way in both.
- constant beginning clause
I, success, goals, program
is the order you started with
- the second clause you are confused about
program, success, goals, I(in its object form)
you switch the structure in the exact same way. all you did was add more words to the first one. I wound go with the second one as it removes unnecessary wording.
answered 10 hours ago
robert gibson
543
New contributor
robert gibson is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
First this is that both of sentences are grammatically correct. The different is in there style. When you say that one sounds more symmetric that the other I kind of don't understand this as you crisscrossed the structure(do not ask me whether that is a chiasm or antimetabole because i forgot the difference) in the exact same way in both.
- constant beginning clause
I, success, goals, program
is the order you started with
- the second clause you are confused about
program, success, goals, I(in its object form)
you switch the structure in the exact same way. all you did was add more words to the first one. I wound go with the second one as it removes unnecessary wording.
answered 10 hours ago
robert gibson
543
New contributor
robert gibson is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
answered 10 hours ago
robert gibson
543
New contributor
robert gibson is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
answered 10 hours ago
robert gibson
543
answered 10 hours ago
robert gibson
543
543
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robert gibson is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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New contributor
robert gibson is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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I'm curious why you think the first version is "more symmetrical." The second seems just as symmetrical to me, and I believe it flows better. I can think of several different ways of wording things—but anything suggested would depend on what you do and don't like. So, you'll have to explain things a bit more.
– Jason Bassford
11 hours ago
@JasonBassford I think the first one feels like it is saying the programs success in its goals for me was more significant, whereas the second one feels like it is saying the level of success was higher. My focus is not the level of success when comparing the two, but the significance of the success. Because you are making suggestions, should I assume that the first sentence is not grammatically correct? Thanks!
– Riley Fitzpatrick
10 hours ago
No, I actually think the first sentence is technically grammatical. However, I think its meaning isn't entirely clear. What do you think of I was successful in my goals for the program, but more important was the program's success in its goals for me?
– Jason Bassford
10 hours ago
Ooh. That might be the one. It definitely clears up the meaning while maintaining what I liked about the first one. Thanks!
– Riley Fitzpatrick
10 hours ago
I'm not sure if that's a final suggestion—I was just trying to figure out what you were trying to get at. Are you tied to a comma rather than a semicolon or two separate sentences?
– Jason Bassford
10 hours ago