Cfrtjryk

Both my spouse and I work at a large corporation. The local branch has around 1,000 people. We are relocating to a different state - and my spouse goes first. I will follow in six months due to some former commitments (additional contracts, lease).

While we do not work in the same department, my manager got the wind of the news and wants to talk to me 1-on-1. I have already signed a job offer for my next position (with starting date in six months).

Eventually, I do plan to give more than a two week notice. Three or four, perhaps. But I cannot tell my manager that I will be leaving in six months.

What are some good ways to steer and handle the conversation?

EDIT: I am employed at-will.

EDIT: I work in high-tech and the world is pretty small. I definitely do not want to burn any bridges.

EDIT: My manager knows about my spouse leaving. He wants to find out if and when I would/will leave.

EDIT: Why cannot I tell my manager? What if you plan to go a competitor? (I will not). Being a short-timer for a number of months does not look appealing to me.

EDIT: My specialty is an interesting combination of ECE-ME-CS. Project cycles range from 6 months (a quick demo) to 3 years.

If your primary goal here is to avoid burning bridges, then I think this is one of the rare situations where you should probably admit you're planning to leave. Yes, you might get burned for it (ie: let go before you wanted to leave) but at least in that case, it's not you who's burning bridges.

Lying when your boss already has solid reason to suspect you're leaving might stave off reprisals for now, but when you do leave in six months, your manager will certainly be disappointed that you weren't up front with him. Nothing burns a bridge faster than lying and then turning around and doing exactly what you said you wouldn't do.

Be honest, not only about the fact that you're leaving, but also about the timeline. Let them know there's no danger of you disappearing earlier than you intend to, and that you fully intend to do your job until that time. Offer to help them find a replacement, if they like, and then do so, if they take you up on it.

If the worst happens and you end up getting booted early, you do have a signed contract with your new employer. So, contact them and tell them you've unexpectedly got some free time before your start date (although make it clear that you have other commitments that prevent you from relocating early.) Ask them if there's anything you can do, remotely, to prepare for your new role. If you're actually able to work remotely, you might even be able to negotiate an earlier start date to narrow the gap where you aren't getting paid, until you move.

Be upfront about it.

Offering a slightly different angle: I wouldn't worry about getting fired early if you are are upfront about it. I hear this argument a lot, but personally I haven't seen a single case where that has actually happened (in a decent work relationship).

In contrast, I have seen multiple cases, where the departure was announced early, and where it worked great: Work got finished, roles where reshuffled, knowledge got transferred and there was a great good bye party.

Most managers will appreciate openness and honesty, since it makes life easier for everyone. They can start looking for a replacement and structure an organized transition and hand-off, which is much easier than the usual 2-week panic mode. They can also tweak your assignments to fizzle out at your departure date and avoid having you in a critical role on a hot project on the day you hand in your notice.

Sure, you probably won't get any high profile assignments or promotions, but, then again, your career there is over, so that's actually better for you as well.

Managers are also not stupid: Being evasive doesn't really help. In the absence of real information, the manager has no choice but to assume that you are on your way out. It might actually increase the risk of getting fired early, since the manager has to assume a time line, if you don't give them one. Overall, it just makes things more awkward and fuzzy without helping

Lying is a sure fire way to burn bridges, so don't do that.

As A general rule, I advise people not to give more notice than they can afford to go without a salary.

You're in a bit of a bind now, as your wife has already left, and the whispernet has caught up to you.

If you have a 1 on 1 with your manager, you've got three options

1. Be direct


2. Be Evasive


3. Lie

I would not advise #3

If you have an excellent relationship with your manager, and can afford to sit back for six months without a salary, just be upfront, and offer to train your replacement.

If you're uncertain about how much support you will get from your manager, be a bit vague, but not so much as to seem evasive.

Honestly, I don't see myself leaving in the near future.

or

If I do come to the decision to move on, I promise to give you plenty of notice, more than the standard 2 weeks. I wouldn't just up and leave without giving you plenty of time.

Be prepared though. They may draw the right conclusions and just get rid of you at any time now.

If you get that general feeling from your boss, move immediately to negotiating enough time to transition your job to someone else. 6 months should do it, right? ;)

It's important that you do this as professionally as possible, as reputation follows you. You never know who you might end up working for.

As long as you've got a cordial/pleasant relationship with your boss, and as long as your position is somewhat skill based? Go ahead and tell him!

Replacing a high-level employee usually takes time - months or even years of it. And getting that employee trained in a new job takes even longer. Unless your company is the type that, once you announce you're leaving, immediately escorts you out of the building, you're probably just giving your boss an opportunity to find someone and give you ample time to train them up before you leave.

If it helps, think of it this way: what happens when people announce retirements at your company? I doubt the company quickly finds a replacement and then fires the person before their final intended day of employment.

The fact that you are asking the question implies that you think your boss will take this badly. You can't control that. If your manager takes this personally, that's unfortunate, but your plans should not change to accommodate his/her perceived insult. Professionals recognize that family situations change and that good people sometimes leave. Is this coming as a complete surprise to the company, or has it been common knowledge that you and your wife have been looking to move to your new state?

I would suggest that you be up front and honest about your leaving. At this point, as your boss is aware you are leaving, there is no point trying to avoid the topic.
Steer the discussion into the reason why you are leaving: you are not dissatisfied with the job, but your spouse has found a new opportunity, you are a team, and you want to support her in her career goals as she supports you in yours. She is going on ahead first to get settled and begin her new position, while you stay behind to meet your obligations here, but yes, you intend to follow her in 4-6 months' time.

Starting from that perspective, now the ball is in your manager's court. You are already at a disadvantage that the news has come to your boss through the grapevine rather than directly from you; he/she might interpret that you were not going to let them know, or give little notice, or they might accept that you were going to let them know at the proper time. (Your opinion and their opinion of "proper" may differ here).

Will he/she accept the news gratefully, or will they get upset that you didn't let them know sooner? At this point it makes little difference, because you are planning on leaving anyway. The best possible outcome of your meeting is that your manager is excited and supportive about your new opportunity, while working out a plan that the two of you can execute to make the transition smooth for your team. If you can steer it that way, great. If not, do not let them bully you into feeling guilty for taking care of your family.