How to end essay gracefully using this sentence?

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The sentence I currently have is "I am grateful to be introduced to (event), as it has significantly altered my paradigm and the way I want to live my life." The issue I have is finding a better way to say "live my life", and if "altered my paradigm" is the correct way of saying "changed my views on life". Any help would be greatly appreciated!

asked Oct 20 at 20:14

James Walker

2

Yeah "significantly altered my paradigm" is dead in the water. Get rid of it and you're pretty much there. On a side note, the be really wants to be a have been. I am grateful for having been introduced to X, as it has changed the way I want to live my life.
– RegDwigнt♦
Oct 20 at 20:25

1

@RegDwigнt my anwers posted as comments are frequently deleted by moderators. Perhaps you could have improved the answer I had already posted.
– Weather Vane
Oct 20 at 21:05

1

@WeatherVane funny, that. Because on this question your answer is in danger of being converted to a comment. (Jokes aside, though, this is writing advice and as such off-topic. But it will probably get migrated to Writers anyway, where your answer will be fine staying as an answer.)
– RegDwigнt♦
Oct 20 at 21:16

add a comment |

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asked Oct 20 at 20:14

James Walker

2

Yeah "significantly altered my paradigm" is dead in the water. Get rid of it and you're pretty much there. On a side note, the be really wants to be a have been. I am grateful for having been introduced to X, as it has changed the way I want to live my life.
– RegDwigнt♦
Oct 20 at 20:25

1

@RegDwigнt my anwers posted as comments are frequently deleted by moderators. Perhaps you could have improved the answer I had already posted.
– Weather Vane
Oct 20 at 21:05

1

@WeatherVane funny, that. Because on this question your answer is in danger of being converted to a comment. (Jokes aside, though, this is writing advice and as such off-topic. But it will probably get migrated to Writers anyway, where your answer will be fine staying as an answer.)
– RegDwigнt♦
Oct 20 at 21:16

add a comment |

up vote
0
down vote

favorite

asked Oct 20 at 20:14

James Walker

sentence sentence-structure

asked Oct 20 at 20:14

James Walker

asked Oct 20 at 20:14

James Walker

asked Oct 20 at 20:14

James Walker

asked Oct 20 at 20:14

James Walker

asked Oct 20 at 20:14

James Walker

2

Yeah "significantly altered my paradigm" is dead in the water. Get rid of it and you're pretty much there. On a side note, the be really wants to be a have been. I am grateful for having been introduced to X, as it has changed the way I want to live my life.
– RegDwigнt♦
Oct 20 at 20:25

1

@RegDwigнt my anwers posted as comments are frequently deleted by moderators. Perhaps you could have improved the answer I had already posted.
– Weather Vane
Oct 20 at 21:05

1

@WeatherVane funny, that. Because on this question your answer is in danger of being converted to a comment. (Jokes aside, though, this is writing advice and as such off-topic. But it will probably get migrated to Writers anyway, where your answer will be fine staying as an answer.)
– RegDwigнt♦
Oct 20 at 21:16

add a comment |

2

Yeah "significantly altered my paradigm" is dead in the water. Get rid of it and you're pretty much there. On a side note, the be really wants to be a have been. I am grateful for having been introduced to X, as it has changed the way I want to live my life.
– RegDwigнt♦
Oct 20 at 20:25

1

@RegDwigнt my anwers posted as comments are frequently deleted by moderators. Perhaps you could have improved the answer I had already posted.
– Weather Vane
Oct 20 at 21:05

1

@WeatherVane funny, that. Because on this question your answer is in danger of being converted to a comment. (Jokes aside, though, this is writing advice and as such off-topic. But it will probably get migrated to Writers anyway, where your answer will be fine staying as an answer.)
– RegDwigнt♦
Oct 20 at 21:16

Yeah "significantly altered my paradigm" is dead in the water. Get rid of it and you're pretty much there. On a side note, the be really wants to be a have been. I am grateful for having been introduced to X, as it has changed the way I want to live my life.
– RegDwigнt♦
Oct 20 at 20:25

@RegDwigнt my anwers posted as comments are frequently deleted by moderators. Perhaps you could have improved the answer I had already posted.
– Weather Vane
Oct 20 at 21:05

@WeatherVane funny, that. Because on this question your answer is in danger of being converted to a comment. (Jokes aside, though, this is writing advice and as such off-topic. But it will probably get migrated to Writers anyway, where your answer will be fine staying as an answer.)
– RegDwigнt♦
Oct 20 at 21:16

add a comment |

1 Answer
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up vote
0
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I always look sideways at people who use the word paradigm in everyday speech. Your suggestion is good, and the whole sentence can be shorter because affecting the way you live is implied anyway.

I am grateful to be introduced to (event), as it has significantly
changed my views on life.

edited Oct 20 at 20:22

answered Oct 20 at 20:20

Weather Vane

1,629312

Thanks for the suggestion, but is there any way I can make the sentence more impactful and memorable? I want to leave admission officers with the idea that the event I wrote about has changed my life, but want to do so in a less cliche fashion. Thank you so much for your help!
– James Walker
Oct 20 at 20:22

Do you mean you want more of a cliché? Has this become proof-reading now? Another suggestion: It affected my view of life profoundly.
– Weather Vane
Oct 20 at 20:23

On another tack, the student in the essay may have been deeply affected by the course, but why suppose the admission officers are interested in that personal experience? I suggest you simply thank them for the influential course and not shout it from the rooftops, no matter how much it benefited one student amongst many.
– Weather Vane
Oct 20 at 20:58

add a comment |

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1 Answer
1

active

oldest

votes

1 Answer
1

active

oldest

votes

up vote
0
down vote

I always look sideways at people who use the word paradigm in everyday speech. Your suggestion is good, and the whole sentence can be shorter because affecting the way you live is implied anyway.

I am grateful to be introduced to (event), as it has significantly
changed my views on life.

edited Oct 20 at 20:22

answered Oct 20 at 20:20

Weather Vane

1,629312

Thanks for the suggestion, but is there any way I can make the sentence more impactful and memorable? I want to leave admission officers with the idea that the event I wrote about has changed my life, but want to do so in a less cliche fashion. Thank you so much for your help!
– James Walker
Oct 20 at 20:22

Do you mean you want more of a cliché? Has this become proof-reading now? Another suggestion: It affected my view of life profoundly.
– Weather Vane
Oct 20 at 20:23

On another tack, the student in the essay may have been deeply affected by the course, but why suppose the admission officers are interested in that personal experience? I suggest you simply thank them for the influential course and not shout it from the rooftops, no matter how much it benefited one student amongst many.
– Weather Vane
Oct 20 at 20:58

add a comment |

up vote
0
down vote

I always look sideways at people who use the word paradigm in everyday speech. Your suggestion is good, and the whole sentence can be shorter because affecting the way you live is implied anyway.

I am grateful to be introduced to (event), as it has significantly
changed my views on life.

edited Oct 20 at 20:22

answered Oct 20 at 20:20

Weather Vane

1,629312

Thanks for the suggestion, but is there any way I can make the sentence more impactful and memorable? I want to leave admission officers with the idea that the event I wrote about has changed my life, but want to do so in a less cliche fashion. Thank you so much for your help!
– James Walker
Oct 20 at 20:22

Do you mean you want more of a cliché? Has this become proof-reading now? Another suggestion: It affected my view of life profoundly.
– Weather Vane
Oct 20 at 20:23

On another tack, the student in the essay may have been deeply affected by the course, but why suppose the admission officers are interested in that personal experience? I suggest you simply thank them for the influential course and not shout it from the rooftops, no matter how much it benefited one student amongst many.
– Weather Vane
Oct 20 at 20:58

add a comment |

up vote
0
down vote

I always look sideways at people who use the word paradigm in everyday speech. Your suggestion is good, and the whole sentence can be shorter because affecting the way you live is implied anyway.

I am grateful to be introduced to (event), as it has significantly
changed my views on life.

edited Oct 20 at 20:22

answered Oct 20 at 20:20

Weather Vane

1,629312

I always look sideways at people who use the word paradigm in everyday speech. Your suggestion is good, and the whole sentence can be shorter because affecting the way you live is implied anyway.

I am grateful to be introduced to (event), as it has significantly
changed my views on life.

edited Oct 20 at 20:22

answered Oct 20 at 20:20

Weather Vane

1,629312

edited Oct 20 at 20:22

answered Oct 20 at 20:20

Weather Vane

1,629312

answered Oct 20 at 20:20

Weather Vane

1,629312

answered Oct 20 at 20:20

Weather Vane

1,629312

Thanks for the suggestion, but is there any way I can make the sentence more impactful and memorable? I want to leave admission officers with the idea that the event I wrote about has changed my life, but want to do so in a less cliche fashion. Thank you so much for your help!
– James Walker
Oct 20 at 20:22

Do you mean you want more of a cliché? Has this become proof-reading now? Another suggestion: It affected my view of life profoundly.
– Weather Vane
Oct 20 at 20:23

On another tack, the student in the essay may have been deeply affected by the course, but why suppose the admission officers are interested in that personal experience? I suggest you simply thank them for the influential course and not shout it from the rooftops, no matter how much it benefited one student amongst many.
– Weather Vane
Oct 20 at 20:58

add a comment |

Thanks for the suggestion, but is there any way I can make the sentence more impactful and memorable? I want to leave admission officers with the idea that the event I wrote about has changed my life, but want to do so in a less cliche fashion. Thank you so much for your help!
– James Walker
Oct 20 at 20:22

Do you mean you want more of a cliché? Has this become proof-reading now? Another suggestion: It affected my view of life profoundly.
– Weather Vane
Oct 20 at 20:23

On another tack, the student in the essay may have been deeply affected by the course, but why suppose the admission officers are interested in that personal experience? I suggest you simply thank them for the influential course and not shout it from the rooftops, no matter how much it benefited one student amongst many.
– Weather Vane
Oct 20 at 20:58

Thanks for the suggestion, but is there any way I can make the sentence more impactful and memorable? I want to leave admission officers with the idea that the event I wrote about has changed my life, but want to do so in a less cliche fashion. Thank you so much for your help!
– James Walker
Oct 20 at 20:22

Do you mean you want more of a cliché? Has this become proof-reading now? Another suggestion: It affected my view of life profoundly.
– Weather Vane
Oct 20 at 20:23

On another tack, the student in the essay may have been deeply affected by the course, but why suppose the admission officers are interested in that personal experience? I suggest you simply thank them for the influential course and not shout it from the rooftops, no matter how much it benefited one student amongst many.
– Weather Vane
Oct 20 at 20:58

add a comment |

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